What to Write in a Birthday Card From the Dog (or Cat)

At a lot of birthdays, the card that gets read twice is the one from the dog.

Someone holds the pen: a partner, the kids, now and then a sister writing on behalf of a dog she walks twice a week. Everyone knows who really wrote it. It still gets read twice: it sounds like the animal, and the animal tends to be the funniest member of the family.

The good ones say one thing that's only true of this particular dog: the sigh he lets out when you put your shoes on and don't reach for the leash, the dish towel he steals every morning. The forgettable ones are a pun and a picture of a cake.

So this page goes in the order you'll actually decide things when you sit down with a birthday card from the dog: who's really sending it, how to sign it, lines for whoever's birthday it is, the cat's version, the gift tag, a longer note if the card has room, and what to leave out.

First, who's really sending it?

Settle two things before the first line: who's holding the pen, and who the card is going to. They change what you write.

• A partner, signing for the dog you share. The classic version. One of you has a birthday, the other buys the card, and the dog is the co-conspirator. These can be the most personal, because the dog has spent the whole year following the birthday person around.
• The kids, with a little help. A seven-year-old's handwriting next to the dog's name is a joke all by itself. Let them choose the line, and help with the spelling if they ask.
• One card or two. The dog's card can sit beside yours, which frees it to be pure comedy while your card carries the sincere part. Or it can be the only card, in which case give it one sincere line too. Both work. Just decide before you start.
• Someone who doesn't live with the dog. Grandma, a friend, the dog walker. The card still comes from your dog, but it reads differently: more thank-you, fewer inside jokes, because they only see part of the dog's life.

How to sign it

On a card from the dog, the dog is the sender, so the dog signs alone: "Love, Moose." No list of people above it. That's the difference from a family card, where the pet usually comes after everyone else.

If the card really is from the whole household, you can still give the dog the last word with one line in his voice under the people's names.

A paw print finishes it, drawn or real. We wrote up both ways to do one, plus the three rules we use for writing in a pet's voice, on our page about Christmas cards from the dog. They hold for birthdays too. In one sentence: keep it small, keep it in the present tense, and say something that's true of your animal and nobody else's.

Lines you can use, by who it's for

Take any of these as they are. Better still, keep the shape and put in something your own dog actually does. Moose is our stand-in throughout. He lives with Tess.

To your partner

From the dog you share, to the other person in the house.

• "Happy birthday, Tess. Today you can have the whole bed. I'll be in the middle of it, but you can have the rest."
• "Every time you pick up your keys, I believe we are going somewhere wonderful. Some days we are. Happy birthday."
• "Happy birthday to my favorite person. Please don't show this card to the other one."
• "I've watched you eat breakfast every single morning this year, and I remain hopeful. Love, Moose."

To Mom or Dad

From the kids, by way of the dog.

• "Happy birthday, Mom. My job is to follow you from room to room, and I have never once called in sick."
• "Dear Dad, happy birthday. I'll handle the doorbell today, like always, so you can put your feet up."
• "Happy birthday from the one member of this family who has never asked to borrow the car."
• "You know which bark means dinner and which one just means hello. Happy birthday to my favorite translator."

To a kid

From the dog to Frankie, who is turning seven.

• "Happy seventh birthday, Frankie. You're taller than me now when you stand up. I'm still better at lying down."
• "Seven! I'll be at the party. Leave the crumbs to me."
• "Happy birthday to my best friend, the only person in this house who lets me help with homework."

If you're also shopping for a kid like Frankie, we put together some gifts for kids who love dogs.

To someone who doesn't live with them

Grandma Bea, a family friend, Marco the dog walker on his own birthday. Lean toward thank-you here.

• "Happy birthday, Grandma Bea. You're the only guest who says hello to me first. Love, Moose."
• "Happy birthday. You always smell faintly of your own dog, and I find it fascinating every single time."
• "Happy birthday, Marco. Thank you for every walk this year, including the rainy ones I pretended not to enjoy."

A big birthday

Thirty, forty, fifty and up. The dog can be as cheeky as he likes about the cake. Leave the number alone.

• "I'm told this is a big one. I don't know what the number means, but I've seen the size of the cake, and I'm very proud of you."
• "Happy fiftieth. You have never once been late with my dinner, and I think that deserves a party."
• "Big birthday, big cake. I'd just like it on the record that I'm available to help."

From the cat

The cat's card is the dog's card turned inside out: not excited, faintly put out, and fond anyway. Aim the disdain at the household, never at the person whose birthday it is.

• "Happy birthday. I've been told to say something nice. Here it is: of everyone who lives here, you're the one I'd keep."
• "They're making a big fuss downstairs. I'll be up here, approving of you from a distance."
• "Happy birthday. I'll be celebrating on your pillow, as usual, but with more feeling."
• "Many happy returns. Your return at half past five is the only one I care about. Love, Ziggy."

When the dog and the cat sign together

• "Happy birthday from Moose, who is thrilled, and Ziggy, who has been informed."
• "Love, Moose and Ziggy. Moose signed it. Ziggy walked across it while the ink was wet."

From a rabbit or a bird

Smaller animals, smaller world, same rules.

• "Happy birthday from Wally. I did three binkies this morning, and one of them was about you."
• "Happy birthday from Pico. I'll sing you something at dawn, as a treat."

The gift tag

The present can be from the dog even when the card isn't. A tag only has room for a few words, which suits a dog's voice nicely.

• "From Moose, who picked it out himself."
• "Guarded all week by Moose. You're welcome."
• "I didn't open this. The corner came like that."
• "To Tess, from Moose. I wanted to get you bacon."

A longer note, if the card has room

If you've got a big card and a bit more to say, write it as a short note to one person from the one who follows them around. Two or three small things he noticed about them this year, then one sentence with no joke in it.

Dear Tess,

Happy birthday. I've been paying close attention this year, mostly from the floor, and here is what I noticed.

You started taking the long way back from the park. I think that was my idea. You hum when you're cooking, and you stop the second you see me watching. You talk to the plants on Sundays. I've heard all of it, and I won't tell.

Here is the true part: every good day I had this year, you were in it.

Love, Moose

If you only have room for one line, make it the one without a joke. That's the line they'll keep.

What to leave out

• Age jokes that sting. You can let the birthday person set the tone on their own age. The dog can tease them about the cake all day and leave the candles out of it.
• Counting the dog's own birthdays. If Moose is getting on, the card doesn't need to mention it. Keep it in the present tense, and it stays a birthday card.
• The pun pile. You're allowed one pun. Most cards are better with none: "Have a pawsome birthday" is the line that makes a card read like it came off a rack.
• A card from the dog, if their own pet died this year. This time the card can come from you alone, or Moose can sign under a plain line in your own words that mentions their pet by name. We wrote more about what to say to someone whose pet died.

If it's the dog's birthday instead

Maybe you were looking for something to write to your dog on their own birthday. Same idea, other direction. Two lines from the household:

• "Happy fourth birthday, Moose. Thank you for every walk you talked us into."
• "Happy birthday to the only one in this house who is never in a bad mood on a Monday."

For the day itself, we wrote a separate guide on how to celebrate your pet's birthday.

If you'd rather give the long version

Some birthday cards from the dog want to keep going. If Your Pet Could Talk ($29) is the long version: a 6-page personalized letter written in a pet's own voice and addressed to their person by name (or to both of them, if there are two). It's about what they love about that person and the ordinary days they live for, and it's written the way this page suggests: small, specific, in their voice. It's illustrated with a watercolor portrait painted from your photo, so the face on it is theirs, not a breed picture. Each letter is finished by hand.

The letter is always written from a pet to their own person, so the honest birthday versions stay close to home: one partner giving it to the other, the kids giving it to Mom or Dad, or someone else's birthday told in their own pet's voice. If your mom's dog, Hugo, is her shadow, a letter from Hugo to her makes a lovely present, as long as you know Hugo's days well enough to answer the questions about him. A letter from your dog to Grandma Bea, a friend or the walker is a different thing. It's built from a household's ordinary days, and Grandma Bea isn't in most of Moose's. For her, the card is the gift.

After checkout you answer a few questions, among them who the letter should be written to (a name, two names, or even "Mom"), a quirk or two that are only theirs, a ritual that's the best part of the day, the spots that are theirs, and their favorite thing to do. You also upload one photo of them. A clear photo of the face works best, and if you're torn between a few, here's how to go about picking the best photo for a pet portrait. The letter arrives as a digital, print-ready PDF within 24 to 48 hours, so there's nothing to wait for in the mail.

The short version

Before you pick up the pen:

1. Decide who's really sending it, and who it's to.
2. On a card from the dog, the dog signs: "Love, Moose."
3. One true detail is worth more than any pun.
4. Keep the cat's opinions aimed at the household, not the birthday person.
5. The gift tag can be from the dog even when the card isn't.
6. Tease them about the cake, never about their age.

The birthday person will know exactly who wrote it. They'll still read it twice.